Air
I enjoy my walk to work each morning. I think that I am lucky to have such a nice walk from my car, down a path, over a cloud bridge and across a beautiful lawn before entering my workspace.
This is the time to be fully present before starting my day. I take in the air, which is sometimes thick with rain, or thin with summer heat or piercing with cold. I blow it out and my phone stays in my pocket. I notice the state of the trees – sometimes full of leaves of green or red and yellow and other times, like today, naked with bejeweled rain drop branches. The geese may be around, or maybe just some ducks. The water below is clear and calm or filled with birds or a perfect reflection of the sky or full of the force of raindrops and wind. I notice my mind. It is calm. I feel the radiant energy of Earth.
Earth
As the hours pass my body is a collector. It does things and it cannot stop. Now I am friendly but not too friendly. Oh no, did I say that wrong? Should I shut up or change my voice. I am too loud. I am too quiet. Do I look more professional with my hair up or down? I am excited about tackling a project. I do a task that nobody will remember next year or even tomorrow. I wonder, am I good at my job or just okay? I wonder, should I still be working here? Why do I have to work? I am sick of work. I wonder, how much older do I look now than I did before I started this job. Indeed, I am older. Should I quit now or wait to be fired?
Fire
Eight or nine hours later, when I cross the bridge again my world has changed. The bridge is no longer a cloud but a dark flame. I move faster. As fast as my legs can go while holding the remains of the workday. Thoughts of beauty are replaced by anxious hammers. I must leave now. I must get out of here and do anything else. I could have handled that meeting better. What am I going to make for dinner? I am looking, craving, seeking, running away from. I am lost. I am spinning. Who am I? I cross the bridge and do not look at the shape of the water.
Water
It is the weekend and I have a rare date. I am anxious and worried but also excited because maybe it will be great? We meet up at a restaurant of his choosing. He is waiting for me at the counter and has me order and pay for my own food before he orders and pays for his. We sit down and begin to talk. It is easy to talk with this man. To share basic information and light philosophy. I wonder if he likes me. What do I think about him? Leading up to this date he has texted me a bunch. I think: this guy likes to communicate a lot. He likes to exchange words. We like some of the same things and we get a drink after. He seems excited to be in the moment with me but I wonder if he will ever stop talking and take action. He seems kind of cute, maybe? Mostly, though, I look for signs that he may like me. When it gets very late and my eyes are closing I tell him that I need to go to bed. He walks me to my car, gives me a hug and says goodbye. No attempt is made to kiss me. No excitement do I feel. In fact, I am absolutely freezing. I go home and get into bed and pile on extra blankets. I wonder if I am getting the flu. Why am I so fucking cold? I realize it is because my body has been clenched tight like a vice all night. I reach down to feel my thighs and they are ice. Slick and cold and without feeling. I turn the light on, flip back the blankets and yes, my legs are long spikes of pure blue ice. I start to panic and hit my legs hard to wake myself up. Instead, my left leg, brittle and cold, breaks at the knee and the lower half rolls off of the bed and onto the floor. My cat jumps down to investigate. I decided to put the blankets on and think about something else. Sleep comes while my lower left leg melts in the warmth of the bedroom air.
Air
I awake in the middle of a dream in which I had just purchased an igloo shaped cat bed. I was laying it with a handful of tuna, attempting to get my cat to come join me but now I am awake. My legs seem fine. I make coffee, do my weekend cleaning and head out for a walk. It is a beautiful winter day. The kind when the sun is out and the mountains are clear and the first bulbs are bursting above the frozen soil.
A body in motion 